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Who am I?
That kid who everyone talked about. The one they used to pick on, laugh at.
That's all I was.
I remember when I wanted to fit in with everyone.
"Why can't you be Normal?" everyone always told me.
Whatever that's supposed to mean.
I remember depression every day. Feeling so worthless every single day. Tired of everything.
That eventually, I decided I'd end my life.
Just disappear one day without telling anyone.
I hated this world. I truly believed that for someone like me, I just couldn't live here.
Somehow, some way, I ended up coming across this show, called Naruto.
It was about a boy who had no parents. Who everyone hated so bad because he had a monster inside of him. He was an outcast. Just like me.
He had no friends or anything. People rejected him.
But even in that, he wanted to become strong. He wanted to find a way to live. He wanted to prove to this world how powerful he was.
He was just like me.
The way he handled things, was incredible. He was always never giving up. That was his way of life. & so I decided that he would be my light. This Naruto kid.
He gave me hope. Enough hope to want to cling to my own life.
I didn't want to just be what this world labeled me as.
It was time for me to be reborn.
The world, they always labeled me as something. Some word. Some name. Even my birth name. The name my parents gave me, it's another name not chosen by me. Another Label.
so I decided to give myself my own name. That was my first step to being reborn.
What do I want to call myself? That's the most important thing.
What you call yourself. How you see yourself. Who you want to be.
I had to "rebuild" myself.
It took awhile.
& I found more bits of inspiration just like Naruto, that helped me push forward even more.
I started everything over. It was like being a baby for the first time. Having to learn everything all over again.
Except this time me choosing everything for myself. & not what someone else said I needed to become.
I learned about me. My likes. My interests. What makes me happy. What doesn't make me happy.
My body, it was something I used to get picked on a lot for. I suffered with insecurities because I believed in what everyone told me.
That I was worthless for having the body I did. For being thin. But that was something I changed too.
Eventually, I taught myself how to love myself.
It took awhile.
I struggled with finding the person I wanted to become for years.
I went through multiple names before I finally found one that really fit me.
I was "reborn" multiple times.
I decided to be called Cloud Sky.
One of the things I loved was astronomy. & Clouds sort of fell under that category.
Clouds were unlike anything I'd ever known.
You cannot control a Cloud.
You can't capture them.
They're like a Ghost.
You can't touch them, they'll vanish.
They're always moving, progressing, changing, evolving into something new.
Always remaining Above the rules & laws that keep the average person bound & tied. Never Below.
That was my quote for awhile. "Always Above, Never Below"
They were a lot like myself.
So I called myself Cloud Sky.
& that's when I also decided I'd be called a Dreamer Of Existence too. It was my own title that I created.
To me it means, “One who walks the very thin line between the dreamworld, & reality.”
Much better than being called mentally ill.
Though there will always be ups & downs. High's & Low's, I want to live. I have more hope now than ever before.
& every single day, I'm progressing. I'm changing. I'm evolving. Learning new things about me.
I struggle sometimes, but it's alright.
Some days, I might fall. But, I'm stronger now. I'll fight as long as I'm alive.
“Be always real.
Be who you are.
Don’t be afraid.
That makes you so real”
a quote that was said to me by a good friend of mine.
Who am I. ..?
I'm just a Cloud.